Tantric massage for women
is far less requested than for men.
It seems that the majority of men have few qualms about being adventurous and trying out something new in the feld of sensual exploration.
But what about women? Are they more cautious? Are their needs different?
There are several tantric groups and workshops available where both women and men can go and take part for a few hours, or for a weekend, or for several weekends, in programmes where they are taught to communicate more clearly and honestly, and to get in touch with their senses and feelings in a more profound and deeper way. But they usually dont get to give or receive a tantric massage until they have progressed and participated in a determined number of these workshops.
The clients who come to us are people who want to receive a one on one massage and in the main, are not attracted to participating in a group. But these workshops may be ideal for many other men or women who want to work on different personal issues, or who may initially find the idea of receiving a tantric massage from a total stranger, a little too threatening.
Celeste has been practicing as a tantric masseuse at our tantric massage clinic in Kensington for over 5 years now. She is the only masseuse at our clinic to offer tantric massage and tuition to women and couples, and she has been conducting her own research into what is on offer in London in the field of tantric massage for women.
She decided that she wanted to be indulged and pampered herself and wanted to receive the type of blissful tantric massage which she offers to others. She was very clear that she did not want any psychological counselling, just a really excellent and enjoyable professional tantric massage. She hoped that she would be able to give the glowing positive type of feedback which she constantly receives from both her male and female clients.
She did quite a bit of research on the internet, and also spoke to several other tantric masseuses and friends about their experiences receiving tantric massages in London and abroad. In the end, she narrowed down her list to 3 male tantric masseurs who all practice in London and who have websites with clear explanations and excellent feedback from their clients. Over the past year, she has received a tantric massage from each one of these three male tantric therapists – who shall remain nameless.
Below are the results and conclusions of her little experiment:
What Celeste hoped to receive in her ideal tantric massage:
1. The practitioner should be a skilled massage therapist and the massage should be a REAL massage, since in her experience, only a real massage can truly relax the body and hence the mind. She did not want light, feathery stroking, using light touch, feathers, furry gloves, furry animals etc. It is in fact not easy to find someone really skilled in massage.
2. A woman needs to be allowed to get into her own space and concentrate entirely on herself. This implies that the therapist really can intuit or feel her needs without continually having to check back with her. Also this requires a therapist with a calm mind , and this clarity, calm and peacefulness should be reflected in the environment in which he /she works.
3. She doesn’t want to be put in a situation where there is a subtle pressure to please the therapist. In other words the therapist should be able to put his/her ego aside and not have a personal agenda.
4. She wants to feel that her needs are understood, that communication is clear, comfortable and straightforward. Respect and trust come from the therapist being authentic and truly listening to the client. ( She doesn’t want to be constantly referred to as ‘Goddess’ or hear other cliches like ‘ Be in your own space’. This terminology is really off-putting and automatically suggests that the therapist is playing yet another game – using cliches and labels from the ‘tantric therapy’ world).
5. The massage should be intimate without being intrusive.
6. The massage therapist should be skilled at giving a yoni massage.
7. The massage therapist should have ‘healing hands’ or a real quality of touch.
8.There should be a clear understanding about the fees before the massage begins.
It is true that women are far harder to read than men, their needs may be more subtle, and often more psychologically complex, which could be why it is harder for a male therapist. However, one popular male tantric therapist claims that there are many advantages for a woman to receive a tantric massage from a male therapist because of the ‘yin-yang’ energy balance . He claims that he really knows how a woman wants to be touched, that a woman needs the male energy to harmonise with hers, etc. In theory, it all sounds very good and full of insight – but the massage Celeste received from him was a total disappointment. Just a little detail: when Celeste asked him why he didnt massage her hands, he responded that massaging hands was too intimate ! He did ask her to send him feedback and she sent him a very detailed email – trying to be objective – he never responded. Maybe he only appreciates positive feedback…..
Another problem Celeste found with some of the tantric massage therapists was that they seemed to unduly identify themselves as ‘therapists’ or ‘healers’. Some sort of background in psychology should, in theory, be helpful. But Celeste found that they seemed rather too identified with their image as a therapist – which seemed to prevent them from really listening to her. They tended to come out with all kinds of ‘tantric ‘and psychological cliches and platitudes which also demonstrated a lack of basic practical wisdom and common sense. For example, instead of being encouraged to sink deeper into her own self, she found herself having to answer questions like: ‘ On a scale of 1-10 how does that feel?’ These types of question immediately took her out of her body and put her back into her head , which was the total opposite of what a tantric massage is supposed to do.
Joseph Kramer, who was one of the people who originally coined the term ‘tantric massage’ in the USA in the 1970’s wrote:
“I dont believe in ‘sexual healing’ I think most of what is called ‘sexual healing is really sexual education or loving sex or playful sex or self-healing.”
“Some individuals feel shame about discussing their sexual desires with their partners. When folks can’t tell their partners what feels good to them and what doesn’t, they will end up spending much of their lovemaking time enduring their partner’s fumbling and insensitivity.” http://www.sexologicalbodywork.com
However, how do you tell your tantric masseur that he is not doing things right? One doesn’t want to be put in a position where we are actually worried about hurting the feelings of the therapist, but this is in fact, what Celeste found. For example, she found at one point that she was just beginning to be in her own moment, and in her own body, when the therapist began to lie on top of her and started talking to her, totally encroaching on a potentially deeper experience.
There are many other examples of the lack of massage skills, subtlety of touch and understanding, genuine sensitivity, or true integrity which she experienced, but we will leave it there for the purposes of this article.
I was very interested to hear about Celeste’s experiences, in part because I had received positive feedback from other women about these particular male tantric therapists. My personal conclusion is that many women have been so hurt or deeply disappointed by past relationships, that they are easily satisfied by any male therapist who they can talk to, who seems to understand, who hugs them warmly, treats them kindly, touches them gently and tells them that he can help remove their blocks, that they are a goddess etc. This may momentarily restore a woman’s self-confidence.
Maybe Celeste has higher expectations. Maybe she is already more in touch with herself and has been fortunate enough to have had positive relationships and received really excellent sensual and other massages in the past – and consequently knows the difference between a mediocre massage and a really exceptional massage. Maybe she is more emotionally secure and is not looking for a few hugs and warm words and some kind of emotional support. She can very easily detect psychological or ‘tantric’ cliches and ‘bullshit.’ She simply wants to receive the really excellent kind of tantric massage which she herself offers.
So far, her conclusion is that a woman is more likely to get an excellent professional tantric massage from another woman, who naturally can intuit her needs more easily than a man. But she hasn’t given up hope….. Celeste is now considering taking a trip to Germany, to experience a professional tantric massage there. German tantric massage therapists have a very good reputation. We will keep you updated on her findings !