What is sensual massage and what is the tantra of relationsip ?

If you’ve been reading the newspapers recently, you will have been struck by yet another flurry of stories about famous men and their affairs: Arnold Schwarzeneger and his ‘love child’, Chris Huhne and the speeding ticket, Dominique Strauss-Kahn the ex-head of the IMF and then there is the ‘famous footballer’ who was finally named – there was even an article in the Independent entitled “Is Anyone Faithful Any More?” in which a relationship expert states that “nowadays we have a problem with instant gratificiation” and the internet is partly to blame – “It’s so easy to hook up on the internet.”

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The article also quoted John Gottman, emeritus professor at the University of Washington, who is probably the world’s leading expert on relationships and marital stability. One of his most interesting findings concerns gay relationships:     “in 200 years heterosexual relationships will be where gay and lesbian relationships are today – crucial in these relationsips is honesty about sex….. Gays and lesbians are more honest. They talk explicitly aobut monogamy and sex and are more mature and honest and less fragile in talking about it.”

In our tantric tuition sessions, we have also found that honesty in communicating is so very important. Couples who want to learn to relax more together and improve the sensual side of their relationship are discovering new communication skills and ways of increasing intimacy, whilst learning to give one another a tantric massage.

In the words of Eckhart Tolle :

“When listening to another person, don’t just listen with your mind, listen with your whole body. Feel the energy field of your inner body as you listen. That takes attention away from thinking and creates a still space that enable you to truly listen without the mind interfering. You  are giving the other person space – space to be.  It is the most precious gift you can give. Most people don’t know how to listen because the major part of their attention is taken up by thinking. They pay more attention to what is going on in their own mind,  than to what the other person is saying, and none at all to what really matters: the being of the other person, underneath the words and mind. Of course you cannot feel someone else’s being except through your own. This is the beginning of the realisation of oneness, which is love. At the deepest level of being, you are one with all that is. Most human relationships consist mainly of minds interacting with each other, not of human beings communicating, being in communion. No relationship can thrive in that way and that is why there is so much conflict in relationships.”


What Eckhart Tolle is saying is, in part, tantric philosophy. Discover who you really are – the ‘you’ beyond your mind, the place in the heart from which you connect with love, and you will feel at one with everyone. Your life will become filled with love and harmony.

So you could take a first step and learn to give your partner a sensual massage – it is a wonderful way of learning to connnect. When you give a sensual massage, you are automatically using your inner intuition and you are listening with your body. You are ‘feeling’ the person rather than trying to analyse or mentally understand them.

I loved the TV series called The Sex Inspectors.

It took a detailed look into the sex lives of couples who were in long term relationships. The show’s presenters, Tracey Cox and Michael Alvear, prescribed a series of tasks, techniques and tips to help the couple have the kind of sex which leaves them satisfied. Many of the tips could have come straight out of a tantric massage manual. It was a fascinating programme, particularly because it achieved such phenomenal results, and couples whose relationship was becoming boring and had lost its spark, were re-united and rekindled their original feelings for one another. According to a commentator:  “The Sex Inspectors could be seen as a means of helping couples experience the kind of jump start to their sex life which is often achieved by having an affair”….. they should have added: or by learning tantric massage……

Below is a short video clip of Michael Alvear giving some humourous but practical advice to men on the issue of premature ejaculation:


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