Archive for the 'Tantra philosophy' Category

There have been  many predictions for 2012, based on the Mayan calendar…. but on this first day of a new year, I am reminded of what is really important and the essential teachings of the great sage Ramana Maharshi, who was born on December 30th 1879.

Ramana encouraged us  to practice Self Inquiry by asking ourselves Who Am I?  Instead of constantly looking outwards for answers and solutions, he suggested we  look within and discover the ‘I’ which is the source of true happiness. At a time when we may be inundated by expectations and pressures  to spend,  buy presents, celebrate with friends and family, be happy when we may not necessarily be feeling that happy,  eat drink and be merry, it can be  inwardly nourishing to remember the true meaning of celebration.

“What exactly is this Self…? To understand this matter, it is first necessary for a man to analyse himelf. Because it has long been his habit to think as others think – he has never faced his  ’I’ in the true manner…. he has too long identified himself with the body and brain. Therefore, I tell you to pursue this enquiry: ‘ Who am I’…….. when a man knows his true Self for the first time, something else arises from the depths of his being and takes possession of him. That something is behind the mind; it is Infinite, Divine, Eternal.. Some people call it the Kingdom of Heaven, others call it the soul, Hindus call it Liberation. You may give it what name you wish. When this happens,  a man has  found himself… Unless and until a man embarks upon this quest of the true Self, doubt and uncertainty will follow his footsteps throughout his life….

What is the use of knowing about everything else when you do not know who YOU are?  Men avoid this enquiry into the True Self…. if you meditate on this question ‘Who am I?’  … if you begin to perceive that neither the body nor the brain nor the desires are really you, then the very attitude of enquiry will eventually draw the answer to you out of the depths of your being…. Know the Real Self and then the Truth will shine forth within your heart like sunshine. The mind will become untroubled and Real Happiness will flood it, for Happiness and the True Self are identical. You will have no more doubts once you attain this Self-awareness.”

                                  -       The Life and Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi     -

And on a lighter note, do enjoy the following short video: Happy New Year by Abba from their 1980 album Super Trouper  (remember to turn on the sound)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&NR=1&v=-0oLG2WMWrg

This morning, I read that Steve Jobs has passed away. He was a true pioneer and  such an inspiration to so many people and to the world. He courageously fought his illness as well as the many obstacles which presented themselves along his path. I still remember my first Apple computer, back in California in the early 1980′s – he was a legend already back in those days. Little did I know then, how much I was learning, and how important the computer was to become  and how it would transform  all our lives.

steve jobs

This reminds me  of a saying by another inspirational man of our times, Albert Einstein, who said:

“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.”

Albert Einstein

To my way of thinking, these men were living the true way of tantra on a practical level in their everyday lives  - and I cant leave out the wonderful saying by the Dalai Lama:

“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”

the Dalai Lama

(with thanks to Best Year Yet on Facebook)

If you’ve been reading the newspapers recently, you will have been struck by yet another flurry of stories about famous men and their affairs: Arnold Schwarzeneger and his ‘love child’, Chris Huhne and the speeding ticket, Dominique Strauss-Kahn the ex-head of the IMF and then there is the ‘famous footballer’ who was finally named – there was even an article in the Independent entitled “Is Anyone Faithful Any More?” in which a relationship expert states that “nowadays we have a problem with instant gratificiation” and the internet is partly to blame – “It’s so easy to hook up on the internet.”

The article also quoted John Gottman, emeritus professor at the University of Washington, who is probably the world’s leading expert on relationships and marital stability. One of his most interesting findings concerns gay relationships:     “in 200 years heterosexual relationships will be where gay and lesbian relationships are today – crucial in these relationsips is honesty about sex….. Gays and lesbians are more honest. They talk explicitly aobut monogamy and sex and are more mature and honest and less fragile in talking about it.”

In our tantric tuition sessions, we have also found that honesty in communicating is so very important. Couples who want to learn to relax more together and improve the sensual side of their relationship are discovering new communication skills and ways of increasing intimacy, whilst learning to give one another a tantric massage.

In the words of Eckhart Tolle: “When listening to another person, don’t just listen with your mind, listen with your whole body. Feel the energy field of your inner body as you listen. That takes attention away from thinking and creates a still space that enable you to truly listen without the mind interfering. You  are giving the other person space – space to be.  It is the most precious gift you can give. Most people don’t know how to listen because the major part of their attention is taken up by thinking. They pay more attention to what is going on in their own mind,  than to what the other person is saying, and none at all to what really matters: the being of the other person, underneath the words and mind. Of course you cannot feel someone else’s being except through your own. This is the beginning of the realisation of oneness, which is love. At the deepest level of being, you are one with all that is. Most human relationships consist mainly of minds interacting with each other, not of human beings communicating, being in communion. No relationship can thrive in that way and that is why there is so much conflict in relationships.”

What Eckhart Tolle is saying is, in part, tantric philosophy. Discover who you really are – the ‘you’ beyond your mind, the place in the heart from which you connect with love, and you will feel at one with everyone. Your life will become filled with love and harmony.

So you could take a first step and learn to give your partner a sensual massage – it is a wonderful way of learning to connnect. When you give a sensual massage, you are automatically using your inner intuition and you are listening with your body. You are ‘feeling’ the person rather than trying to analyse or mentally understand them.

I loved the TV series called The Sex Inspectors which took a detailed look into the sex lives of couples who were in long term relationships. The show’s presenters, Tracey Cox and Michael Alvear, prescribed a series of tasks, techniques and tips to help the couple have the kind of sex which leaves them satisfied. Many of the tips could have come straight out of a tantric massage manual. It was a fascinating programme, particularly because it achieved such phenomenal results, and couples whose relationship was becoming boring and had lost its spark, were re-united and rekindled their original feelings for one another. According to a commentator:  “The Sex Inspectors could be seen as a means of helping couples experience the kind of jump start to their sex life which is often achieved by having an affair”….. they should have added: or by learning tantric massage……

Below is a short video clip of Michael Alvear giving some humourous but practical advice to men on the issue of premature ejaculation:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6q5r3_premature-ejaculation-how-to-make-y_fun

tantra:respect for the goddess

Many of our clients have been remarking that it is confusing to see so many websites appearing when they google for the term ‘Tantric Massage’ – and that many of these sites are not that different from escort sites… with photos of naked or topless beauties who should probably be in Playboy Magazine.

It seems that many of these  pretty young  girls and agencies who have decided to advertise themselves as tantric masseuses  are taking advantage of the fact that there is no real qualification for tantric massage – since in truth, tantric massage is itself a misnomer, and tantra has nothing to do with massage anyway. But they may  think that using the term ‘tantric’ will somehow make them sound more ‘legitimate.’ They throw around terms like ’chakras’, ‘kundalini’  etc. with an obvious lack of understanding of what they are talking about. One of the latest fads I have seen is ‘tantric bondage’ – the mind truly boggles. I have nothing against anyone doing whatever turns them on, but to label these activities as ‘tantric’ is truly a joke.

I have never been a great fan of Osho, but he did write well and here is a quote from one of his articles, which is quite appropriate:

‘ There is a basic fallacy that human beings fall into: they find a small truth and rather than discover the whole, the remaining part, they imagine  to fill up the gap….. they can manage to make a system, but the remaining part is simply their invention.

….sexual energy…… should be transformed into higher forms. It is a truth. But what happened is that they never went very deep into meditation; meditation remained just secondary. And man’s sexuality shows itself so powerfully that in the name of tantra it became simply sexual orgy.

Without meditation that was going to happen. Meditation should have been the most primary thing because that is going to transform the energy, but that became secondary. And many people who were sexually ….repressed, joined the tantra school. These were the people who brought all their perversions and all their repressions. They were not interested in any transformation, they were interested only in getting rid of their repressions; their interest was basically sexual…… unless meditation moves into first place, it will always happen that in tantra people will be doing all kinds of perversions….. and with a great name, they will not feel that they are doing anything wrong; they will feel they are doing something religious, something spiritual…. that’s what many of the therapists are doing…… And the so-called therapists enjoy the money that they bring. They have nothing to lose, they simply allow freedom ……. First people should be introduced to meditation and then they should be introduced to tantra methods. This is not tantra. Tantra methods are totally different. These people who are doing tantra, they dont know anything about tantra.’  http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Shiva-Shakti/tantra_teachings.htm

One  important facet of Tantra is respect for the Goddess. And by Goddess, I do not mean a masseuse dressed up in a sexy dress,or posing topless and calling herself a Goddess. Interestingly, I have been reading about the various theories on the ‘lost years’ in the life of Jesus – and one theory is that he spent time travelling in India, and stayed in the region of what is now the Hemis monastery, which is a Buddhist monastery in Ladakh.It is said that a scroll of his teachings was kept hidden in that area and then found and translated …. this may or may not be true, but I found the words on respect for women in that text, very similar to the fundamental understanding of the respect for the Goddess in tantric teachings in India:

‘Respect woman, for she is the mother of the universe and all the truth of divine creation lies in her…… She is the basis of all that is good and beautiful , as she is also the germ of life and death. On her depends the whole existence of man, for she is his natural and moral support….bless her and worship her, for she is your one friend, your one support on earth….. respect her, uphold her. In acting thus, you will win her love and her heart….. be lenient towards woman. Her love ennobles man, softens his hardened heart, tames the brute in him, and makes of him a lamb…….‘http://reluctant-messenger.com/issa4.htm

Secret of Tantra

When attention is directed towards objects and intellect, the mind is aware only of those things. That is our present state. But when we attend to the Self within, we become aware of it alone . It is therefore all a matter of attention.  Our mind has for so long been attending to external  things that the latter have enslaved it and drag it hither and thither…….

The quest has to begin with the mind turned inward to oppose the rushing thoughts and to understand the location of the “I”. When the mind eventually sinks in the Heart, undisturbed bliss is overwhelmingly felt…….head and heart become one and the same….

                                                                                             Sri Ramana Maharshi

Happy Shivaratri

Today is Shivaratri- it is considered to be  one of the holiest nights of the year, dedicated to the worship of Lord Shiva. Lord Shiva is the one who destroys that which is old and impure in order to make room for a new creation which is pure and divine. He annihilates our egos, our attachments and our ignorance, so that life can begin anew.

Below is a rather long, but lovely story

Once a King called upon all his wise men and asked them,“Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstance, in every place and in every time. Something which can help me when none of you is available to advise me. Tell me is there any mantra?” 

 All wise men were puzzled by King’s question. One answer for all questions? Something that works everywhere, in every situation? In every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory? They thought and thought.

After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper. But the condition was that king was not to see it out of curiosity. Only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he’ll have to see it. The King put the papers under his Diamond ring.

After a few days, the neighbours attacked the Kingdom. It was a collective surprise attack of the King’s enemies. King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. King had to flee on his horse. The enemies were following him. His horse took him far away in the jungle. He could hear many troops of horses following him and the noise was coming closer and closer.  

Suddenly the King found himself standing at the end of the road – that road was not going anywhere. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be finished. And he could not return because it was a small road. The sound of enemy’s horses was approaching fast. King became restless. There seemed to be no way.

Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring. He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was very small but very great. 

The message was – “This too shall pass.”

The King read it. Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes! It too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom and all his pleasure have gone. I am here trying to escape from enemies. However when those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. Calm came on his face.

He kept standing there. The place where he was standing was full of natural beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his Kingdom. The revelation of the message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forgot about those following him.

After a few minutes he realised that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were not on that path. The King was very brave. He reorganised his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained his lost empire.

 When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fan fare at the door. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a festive mood. Flowers were being thrown on the King from every house, from every corner.

 People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself,” I am one of the bravest and greatest King. It is not easy to defeat me.:

With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego emerging in him.

Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He opened it and read it again: “This too shall pass” He became silent. His face went through a total change -from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness. 

If this too is going to pass, it is not yours.The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a watcher. Everything passes by. We are witness of all this.. We are the perceivers. Life comes and goes.Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes.

 Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your own life… Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away.

There were friends in the past. They have gone. There are friends today.. They too will go. There will be new friends tomorrow. They too will go.

There were enemies in the past. They have gone. There may be enemies in the present. They too will go. There will be new enemies tomorrow and… They too will go.

There is nothing permanent in this world. Every thing changes except the law of change. Think over it from your own perspective. You have seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks, all defeats and all sorrows. All have passed away.

 If there are problems in the present, they too will pass away. Because nothing remains forever. 

Joy and sorrow are the two faces of the same coin. They both will pass away.

Who are you in reality? Know your real face. Your face is not your true face. It will change with time.

However, there is something in you, which will not change. It will remain unchanged. 

What is that unchangeable? It is nothing but your true self. 

You are just a witness of change.

Good Luck ………………..

This Too Shall Pass

palolem beach, goa

I had been sittting on my reserved seat in a sleeper carriage, for  approximately 20 mns.,  when a group of rather hippyish westerners clambered aboard and sat right next to me, claiming there was a mix up over the seat nos.  We started chatting and they told me they were going to Agonda, a village just next to Palolem. They were all very experienced at hatha yoga, and were going to do a course in ‘traditional tantra yoga.’  They were led by a young American with a pony tail, who seemed very centred and completely unruffled by all the typical commotion in the train and the usual haggling with the ticket inspector and other passengers about mistakes over tickets and seat nos. They gave me the website  of the course they were about to attend. It is:  http://www.shrikali.org

Here are a few excerpts from the website:

“Tantric culture involves the practice of all aspects of yoga Asanas, Mantra, Yantra, Puja (rituals – including sexuality), Kundalini, Chakra, meditation……… from a traditional Tantric perspective…… The Tantra Yoga taught at Shri Kali is different from that taught in any other schools in India or the world…….. we teach asanas from a timeless Tantric formula based on the subtle energy system……. Our teachings build a thorough understanding of both the theoretical and practical aspects of Shaiva-Shakta Tantra and Yoga…..”

There is a lot more information on the website, for anyone interested …. it seems that you need to be pretty good at hatha yoga to be able to take part.

I have just returned from a 2 week stay in Kollur, Karnataka, India.

Kollur is the home of the well-known Mookambika Temple which is among the seven most sacred temples in Karnataka called the Seven Muktishala pilgrim sites. It is said that the image of Goddess Mookambika was installed here by the great Sri Adi Shankara, the revered Hindu saint, who performed years of penance in the area. It is believed that Adi Shankara perceived the idea of having a Mookambika Devi temple at Kollur and himself installed the statue of the deity in the temple some 1200 years ago. It is also said that the Shiva Lingam in front of the goddess, materialised miraculously on its own. Mookambika is regarded as a manifestation of Shakti, Saraswathi and Mahalakshmi. In fact, she symbolises the Supreme Truth or Transcendental Supreme Reality.

In the top middle photo, you can see the statue of Goddess Mookambika being paraded around the temple, in a special golden chariot, carried by dozens of temple priests. as well as the individuals who have paid for the event. They usually run as fast as they can, with bells clanging, crowds cheering , and it is a very colourful, festive noisy affair and occurs several times each day.

For those of you who think this is all rather culturally alien and find it hard to relate to, below is a quote from the great genius of modern science, Albert Einstein:

“the most beautiful and the most profound emotion we can experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a sranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his mind and eyes are closed. The insight into the mystery of life, coupled though it may be with fear, has also given rise to religion. To know what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and most radiant beauty which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms, this knowledge, this feeling is at the centre of true religiousness.” Albert Einstein

You can click on each individual photo to enlarge it.

dita von teese

dita von teese

The Erotica Show opens this year at Olympia, London, on November 19-21. The headline attraction for the show is Dita Von Teese. I am a great admirer of hers – she has such radiance, glamour, style and a very unique quality of elegance.

But, looking at the rest of what is on offer made me start to ponder about what erotic really means.

Wilkipedia gives an interesting definition of eroticism:

“Unlike sensuality, which concentrates on the pleasures of the senses, eroticism is concerned with heightening those pleasures. To achieve that objective, eroticism can involve a delay in sexual gratification in order to intensify the satisfaction level by extending the period of yearning desire.”

Perceptions of what is erotic fluctuate.

Khajuraho in India, famous for its erotic sculpture, is a very popular tourist destination and is considered to be one of the ‘seven wonders of India.’ The Khajuraho temples don’t contain sexual or erotic art inside the temple or near the deities. The idea is that one must leave one’s sexual desires outside the temple and the inner deity of the temple is pure like the soul, unaffected by sexual desires. But the external carvings depict “twisting, broad-hipped and high breasted nymphs displaying their generously contoured and bejewelled bodies….. beside the heavenly nymphs are extravagantly interlocked maithunas, or lovemaking couples.”

According to an article in the Independent on September 11 2008:  ‘India was the birthplace of erotica, famed for its sensual literature and carvings….. that lure and intrigue tourists at Khajuraho. But the country’s reputation today is as a much more conservative buttoned-up society where couples risk opprobrium even for something a chaste as daring to hold hands in public…… Gone is the sensuality contained in traditional Indian art, dance and literature, and the enforced conservatism at times seems suffocating.’

In the West, we have gone to the other extreme. We have endless freedom and tastes vary widely…. Sex sells….. The Erotica Show seems to have a lot of pvc, rubber and latex on show, and also for sale. In fact, erotica has become commercialised and a new term has now sprung up:

‘Erotic Capital’

Below is part of an article which appeared in The Observer last April:

‘Last week, the media worked itself up into a lather about an extremely important new socio-economic concept. It’s the definitive professional “must-have” of our generation, claimed one paper, the “key to being successful in modern society” said another.

Something to do with being well educated or having good people skills? Not exactly. The buzzword is “erotic capital” and apparently it’s what everyone (except, presumably, the irredeemably ugly) should aspire to have.

According to Catherine Hakim, doctor of sociology at the LSE, people who have erotic capital tend to do better in the workplace, earning an average of 10 to 15% more than their erotically challenged colleagues. Erotic capital, she says, has been crucial in the success of many public figures. The Obamas have it in abundance, as do David Beckham and Angelina Jolie (obviously). David Cameron is reasonably well equipped in the EC department, though Gordon Brown (you’d never have guessd) isn’t.

It’s easy to sneer, of course. Isn’t erotic capital just a fancy way of talking about attractiveness or charisma, qualities that have long been known to enhance success? Maybe, but Hakim’s real argument is that in modern consumer societies, the ways we define success (and hence the ingredients needed to achieve it) are becoming more fluid. Intelligence may still be one path to doing well (so don’t turn down that place at Oxbridge just yet), but there has been an explosion of other routes.”  http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/apr/18/erotic-capital-success-angelina-jolie

So, what is Erotic Massage as opposed to Tantric Massage ?

In the field of erotic massage, nowadays, there are so many ads on the internet for sensual massage, erotic massage, tantric massage, naked massage, oily massage – is there any difference between them, or are the adjectives just used for effect?

I have made it clear on this website that for me, the use of the word ‘tantra’ in connection with our massage, implies, apart from the erotic or sensual aspect, the experience of some kind of peace of mind and connection with the inner self – when the mind slows down, we feel an inner sense of calm, peace, love and wholeness.

This is not the same as erotic ‘teasing’ or ‘titillation’ which, by definition, always depends on the mind being kept busy and desiring more and more variety to keep it interested.

We don’t want our tantric massage to become an addiction. We hope that it will give a taste of inner peace and give tools for recreating this experience in daily life. Instead of encouraging the fascination for outer erotic objects, we create an environment where the mind and senses can hopefully be drawn within, towards the very source of all experience.

The teasing aspect of erotica is utilised to heighten the senses up to a certain point – but then the senses are drawn inwards, the internal energy rises up, and the entire being is flooded with peace. This is the magic of tantric massage.

Esalen, in northern California, was founded in 1962, and became a centre for the ‘human potential’ movement…It was an institute devoted to the exploration of the world of ‘unrealized capacities that lies beyond the imagination.’ It became known for its experimental workshops, the steady influx of philosophers, psychologists, artists and spiritual thinkers, as well as its breathtaking grounds, blessed with natural hotsprings.  The photos above show visitors receiving the renowned naked Esalen massages in the open air and lying in the  hot tubs which are so popular there, and all over  California.

I went to live in California in the 1970′s and became very involved in the human potential movement and the psychological experimentation which was so popular at the time. I would go to workshops and bang pillows , raging at my parents, and trying to let out all my anger…….but little by little, I realised that the more I screamed, the more angry I was becoming, and the theory that if only I screamed long and hard enough, all my bottled up anger would disappear, did not seem to stand the test of experience.

Gradually, it began to make more sense to experience anger as something to be transcended, through deeper understanding of its roots.

I received the following story today from a friend. I think it helps one to deal with anger, and to understand the roots of anger, in a far deeper, more subtle and beautiful way……

Why We Shout When in Anger        – a spiritual story

A Holy saint who was visiting a river to  bathe,  found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples and asked:

‘Why do people in anger shout at each other ?’

The disciples thought for a while, and one of them said: ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout.’

‘But why should you shout when the other person is just next to you?You can just as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner’ asked the saint.

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.

Finally, the saint explained: ‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to hear each other, to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They dont shout at each other, but talk softly, because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either non-existent or very small…’

The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they  need not even whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’

He looked at his disciples and said:’ So when you argue, do not let your hearts get distant. Do not say words that distance each other even more. Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.’