If you’ve been reading the newspapers recently, you will have been struck by yet another flurry of stories about famous men and their affairs: Arnold Schwarzeneger and his ‘love child’, Chris Huhne and the speeding ticket, Dominique Strauss-Kahn the ex-head of the IMF and then there is the ‘famous footballer’ who was finally named – there was even an article in the Independent entitled “Is Anyone Faithful Any More?” in which a relationship expert states that “nowadays we have a problem with instant gratificiation” and the internet is partly to blame – “It’s so easy to hook up on the internet.”
The article also quoted John Gottman, emeritus professor at the University of Washington, who is probably the world’s leading expert on relationships and marital stability. One of his most interesting findings concerns gay relationships: “in 200 years heterosexual relationships will be where gay and lesbian relationships are today – crucial in these relationsips is honesty about sex….. Gays and lesbians are more honest. They talk explicitly aobut monogamy and sex and are more mature and honest and less fragile in talking about it.”
In our tantric tuition sessions, we have also found that honesty in communicating is so very important. Couples who want to learn to relax more together and improve the sensual side of their relationship are discovering new communication skills and ways of increasing intimacy, whilst learning to give one another a tantric massage.
In the words of Eckhart Tolle: “When listening to another person, don’t just listen with your mind, listen with your whole body. Feel the energy field of your inner body as you listen. That takes attention away from thinking and creates a still space that enable you to truly listen without the mind interfering. You are giving the other person space – space to be. It is the most precious gift you can give. Most people don’t know how to listen because the major part of their attention is taken up by thinking. They pay more attention to what is going on in their own mind, than to what the other person is saying, and none at all to what really matters: the being of the other person, underneath the words and mind. Of course you cannot feel someone else’s being except through your own. This is the beginning of the realisation of oneness, which is love. At the deepest level of being, you are one with all that is. Most human relationships consist mainly of minds interacting with each other, not of human beings communicating, being in communion. No relationship can thrive in that way and that is why there is so much conflict in relationships.”
What Eckhart Tolle is saying is, in part, tantric philosophy. Discover who you really are – the ‘you’ beyond your mind, the place in the heart from which you connect with love, and you will feel at one with everyone. Your life will become filled with love and harmony.
So you could take a first step and learn to give your partner a sensual massage – it is a wonderful way of learning to connnect. When you give a sensual massage, you are automatically using your inner intuition and you are listening with your body. You are ‘feeling’ the person rather than trying to analyse or mentally understand them.
I loved the TV series called The Sex Inspectors which took a detailed look into the sex lives of couples who were in long term relationships. The show’s presenters, Tracey Cox and Michael Alvear, prescribed a series of tasks, techniques and tips to help the couple have the kind of sex which leaves them satisfied. Many of the tips could have come straight out of a tantric massage manual. It was a fascinating programme, particularly because it achieved such phenomenal results, and couples whose relationship was becoming boring and had lost its spark, were re-united and rekindled their original feelings for one another. According to a commentator: “The Sex Inspectors could be seen as a means of helping couples experience the kind of jump start to their sex life which is often achieved by having an affair”….. they should have added: or by learning tantric massage……
Below is a short video clip of Michael Alvear giving some humourous but practical advice to men on the issue of premature ejaculation:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6q5r3_premature-ejaculation-how-to-make-y_fun
je t'aime moi non plus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO0J7O960ls
(turn on the volume on your computer)
The majority of people who come to our Tantric Massage Clinic in London, both men and women, come on their own. Sometimes they tell their partner, but the majority do not, because they feel their partner may object, feel jealous, feel insecure, or simply will not understand why they should come to us.
However, we are getting more and more brave couples who come together, as a couple, to enhance the sensual side of their relationship. I call them brave, because it does require courage for a woman to have her partner lie on a massage table, and be aroused to orgasm by another woman, even if that woman is a tantric masseuse. In the same way, it takes courage for a man to admit that he could improve his skills and be taught how to give more pleasure to his wife. And they are also brave because, rather than give up trying to work on their relationship,and come to us secretly, they come openly and united as a couple.
Once the initial step has been taken, and inhibitions and fears have been set aside, and the appointment has been made, couples do feel so many benefits. Here is an email we have received from a couple who visited us recently:
‘Eva and Celeste, I thought I should send a quick thank you for a wonderful time yesterday. Though we were nervous, both of you have an amazing gift and we really enjoyed the time we spent there. We have already started practising some of the techniques and even ended up making love the same evening…… Again thank you for a great time and it has already started making a difference…….’
We get many similar emails.
So, what actually happens in a tantric massage couples tuition session ?
The sessions are completely tailored to suit each couple – they learn to give one another a tantric massage and get to try out new ideas and experiment with sensual touch.At the beginning, we have a short chat to find out exactly what the couple wants to learn, or whether they have any specific issues or questions.
Usually the woman is the first to receive the massage, while the man joins me in giving the massage. If he likes, he can watch for a little at the beginning and then gradually join me and I can demonstrate different types of techniques. We then swap over, with the man receiving the massage and the woman can join in at any stage. If the partners simply want to just observe the other receiving a massage, that is fine… or if they want a more hands on/lesson approach, where they are more involved, I can go over the strokes with them and make sure that they learn and understand the various techniques and what I do for each phase of the massage.
It is a very relaxed and open environment and couples often find it easier to articulate about what feels good to them and why in a setting with a ‘neutral person’, ie. someone outside of the relationship. Having a ‘neutral’ person there also helps positively with communication, and avoids saying things like ‘why didnt you tell me this before’….. we suggest ways of giving feedback in a positive manner – ie. saying ‘that feels really good’ or ‘ it feels nice this way’ rather than saying ‘that doesnt feel nice.’
Once we actually discover what feels pleasurable, its easy to communicate this to our partner….. the problem often is that people are not really aware of their feelings and sensations at a deeper level… they are so used to falling into old patterns of response, often in order to please their partner, that they lose touch with what really feels good to them. Over time, partners who have been together for years, fall into habits and limit themelves to taking about what has become acceptable or comfortable. It can be quite daunting and hard to instigate conversations about new approaches to intimacy. Partners dont want to hurt or offend or create resentment, suspicion, jealousy or insecurity.
During a tantric massage couples session, both partners are on an ‘even playing field.’ I make sure that there is an open and non-judgmental environment, so that everyone is as comfortable as possible giving/receiving and talking about the massage.
We encourage the partner who is receiving the massage to go deep within, and not feel the need to give feedback or talk at all whilst receiving the massage. Most sexual or sensual situations are focused on someone or something external from ourselves – be it visual, porn, emotional needs, or wanting to give and please. To completely surrender and learn to receive pleasure passively can enable us to actually feel what is going on in our own bodies and experience our inner sensuality at a much deeper level, discarding the usual thoughts of focusing on someone or something else.
A tantric massage or tuition session for couples can, in this way, contribute to an ongoing sensual journey together, and can provide a new platform for open discussion, communication and the practicing of a different and deeper level of intimacy.
dream lover
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfwMiH7eCpI
(make sure you turn on the sound on your computer)
Tantric Tuition for Women
Little girls are brought up with the romantic idea that one day they will meet their knight in shining armour, who will sweep her off her feet, love her for ever, and life will be wonderful ever after.
We have been spoon-fed these romantic images, by novels, movies and our culture in general.
But the reality, or the inside stories, reveal something very different going on under the surface.
clark gable
Novels like Lady Chatterley’s lover, which was banned when it was first written, have now been read by most schoolgirls. The tragedy of Romeo and Juliet is part of our culture….. as is Walt Disney’s Cinderella singing ‘Some Day My Prince will Come.’
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiaYTJohZOE&feature=related
(turn on the volume on your computer)
some day my prince will come
We all know about the love life of famous politicians like Robert Kennedy, millionaires like Howard Hughes, footballers, starting with the first ‘pop’ footballer George Best, latin lovers like Rudolph Valentino and Clark Gable, and the most famous womanizer of them all, Casanova.
howard hughes
But what is it like being married to these men … They may be able to sweep women off their feet initially, but what happens after that….?
It must be very difficult, if not impossible, for anyone to live up to the the huge expectations which are built up in the minds of both men and women, by our culture.
Fortunately, sex education is prevalent in schools nowadays, and most teenagers know a surprising amount about the mechanics of sex. But does anyone teach them about their emotions, getting in touch with themselves at a deeper level, and learning to communicate in an honest way?
george best
Because of the more complex nature of women’s bodies, emotions and minds, many men view women as somewhat of a mystery, even after having been married to one for many years.
Many women experience difficulty or inability to orgasm, and because this comes as a surprise to the woman herself, she often doesnt understand herself what is happening, and finds it even more difficult to talk about her concerns to her partner.
Here, at Tantric Massage London in Kensington, we offer a safe and supportive space for women to explore and discover their own bodies at a deeper level, and this enables them to communicate more openly with their partner about their needs. It is difficult to tell your partner what your needs are when you yourself are not sure. Many women experience sex or sensual contact as a reaction to a male initiating intimacy, and trying to adjust and respond to whatever pace he sets – which is often too fast for her, and does not allow her to fully relax, surrender and build up the sexual energy in her body to its full potential.
Prior to the massage, I have a short chat with the client, in order to enable her to explain any details she would like to go over, or anything in particular that she would like to focus on, and I tailor the session to suit her. I ensure that she is comfortable enough to be able to verbally or physically guide me and give me feedback if she wishes at any stage of the session. I have found that when a woman is comfortable enough to communicate with me, it not only helps me, but can enable her to discover her own body in a safe, non-judgemental or rushed setting. I combine subtlety, sensitivity and a well-developed intuition, without being too delicate – not every woman likes feather-soft touch, not every woman likes firm touch. It is the finely tuned combination of all types of touch, interwoven in a complete full body massage, that provides the key to our tantric massage and tantric tuition for women.
A woman instinctively knows how to touch a woman and what feels good. Our tantric massage for women is a full body, sensual experience which allows the space and time for a client to feel her body in a unique and very special way.
There is no need to give back, or to do anything – the idea is to completely surrender into receiving pleasure and there is no pressure or need to perform and please. The tantric masseuse ensures that you are completely comfortable throughout, and has an innate understanding of how to listen and respond to a woman’s body. A combination of soft, light, deep and firm full body strokes, relaxes the body and mind. The sexual energy is awakened and progressively built up, entwining the breasts and yoni(vagina)massage. Speed and pressure are balanced, to enhance the full body experience and the session is tailored individually for each client. I will respond and work within whatever you are comfortable with. If you are wanting to completely let go and explore your own body – or if you want to go at a different pace – there is no right or wrong way to experience a Tantric Massage.
Sometimes women can “think” themselves to orgasm. As women generally take longer to reach a climax, they may have a tendency to try to hurry it up, and impede the full sexual/sensual potential of their body. By removing the pressure to please the giver, or being pressured to have an orgasm, you can actually focus on opening up to your sexual energy in your own way, at your own pace, with no pressure or need to give back. This may sound self-indulgent to some, but the truth is that by experiencing your own body at a deeper level, you will have a more tangible reference point from which to communicate or demonstrate your needs to a partner, and this in turn will give him more pleasure. We have found that men are delighted to be told what to do to please their partner, and even more delighted and aroused when they see her really in touch with, and enjoying her own body.
Tantric Tuition for Men
Part 1 – Tantric Tuition for Men
When men ask for a tantric tuition session, the two main things they want to learn more about are:
1. Ejaculation Control
2. How to really give pleasure to a woman
1. Ejaculation Control
Many men experience concerns with premature ejaculation in some form or another during their life, and hope to learn some techniques to help them to last longer. A large majority find that when they are simply lying on the massage table, with no pressure to perform, their ‘premature ejaculation’ problem disappears, and they are able to last naturally for far longer than they thought, with no special effort on their part.
There are several reasons for this. A lot of so called premature ejaculation issues arise from the pressure to perform and please a partner. When that pressure is removed, very often the problem evaporates. We encourage our clients to get in touch with their passive side and experience the feelings and sensation in their body, and to enjoy receiving unconditional touch – where there is no need to respond or reciprocate. In this way, a man can learn to let go fully. A lot of the time, men feel that they should be responding, that they should be the doers, and sometimes this becomes so ingrained that they are afraid that they will not be turned on if they cannot look at a beautiful woman’s naked body, or touch the masseuse. However, once they begin to experience the currents of energy flowing through their body, and get carried away in a total body orgasm, the last thing on their mind is to touch the masseuse. They become totally absorbed in the sensations within their own body.
Naturally all men are different, and their responses will vary. We do teach some simple breathing techniques which help with general relaxation, and are helpful for premature ejaculation. We also ask our clients to communicate with us and to let us know if they feel that they are about to ‘come’ at any point. This enables us to regulate the pressure we use, and help them to get to the point just before orgasm (the plateau phase) and then to relax, and we then slowly build up the pressure again. We do this several times, building up the energy within the body, so that the orgasm, when it comes, is much more intense than usual, and encompasses the entire body, rather than being just a fleeting localised feeling. Some men do not need to ejaculate, and experience what is known as an internal orgasm.
We let the tantric tuition session evolve in a very natural way. We do not believe in imposing techniques, but enabling the body to re-learn how to relax and let go. A lot of issues around premature ejaculation involve the person’s mind, and tendency to worry, and having to learn a whole load of new techniques could add to this worry. We have also found that once a client is able to last longer in this way with us in our tantric massage studio, it is as if he has become ‘rewired’, and it is much easier for him to replicate the experience at home, with his partner. It is , however, important for his partner to also take things very slowly, relaxing into arousal, and maybe breathing in harmony with her spouse, to keep the pace nice and slow. It is very important not to fall into a pattern of ‘ being in a rush’ which is what so often happens.
2. How to really give pleasure to a woman
We have had many female clients complain to us that their partner does not touch her gently or sensitively enough and does not really understand how to turn her on, or how her body works. Often also, our male clients are aware of the fact that their spouse has lost interest in their sexual relationship. Part of the cause can be a lack of communication skills. Partners do not feel comfortable telling one another that they are not really enjoying the way they are being touched or treated. In our tantric tuition sessions for men, we show our client how to touch a woman, what feels good and what doesnt, and we allow them to practice on us. We also make suggestions about how to communicate some of these issues to their partner in a way which might be more acceptable or understandable. We instruct them on how to give a tantric massage to a woman, and how to lay out the ideal setting for a tantric massage in their own home.
We have received a lot of positive feedback on these tantric tuition sessions for men, and after only one or two appointments, many clients report a noticeable improvement in their sex life at home. Several clients have followed up on their training, and subsequently brought their wives to our tantric massage clinic, to experience our tantric tuition session for couples, together.
